F l a r e

just thoughts

Hello lovlies

I dont know where to start, i have a mind crowded with thoughts. I have dissapointments, greatfulness, excitments.. Just all the mixed emotions anyone could have. 

April is coming to an end and what a month it has been! I wont say its good nor will i say its bad either.. So much happened in the past 30 days.

April is the month i blow my candles to celebrate my birthday! This time though, i have turned 18. Yes im finally legal hehe, how exciting.

I think i had the best birthday ive had in years if not in my whole life. Its not only about the fact that they surprised me with a cake and a gift, but the fact that i had my friends and family around me. And also the fact that i had special people whom i thought will spend yet another year with me but it turns out i was wrong.

Oh well, life goes on.

something i cant handle is disappointments. it kills something inside of me.. I dont know why, but i think its because im the kind of person who believes so much in so many people and then ends up being disappointed. Its my faults i guess, i should pick the right people to believe in from now. i always thought i did, but lately ive been misjudging so many people.. The ones i thought were good friends turned out to be so much of arrogant, self loving, selfish people who loves to put me down. One of them loved herself so much that she’d put other people down in order to rise above them. 

I still have good better closer friends i love though.

Its really hard to find those with pure hearts..

Have a nice day / week

Noor MA

Saturday, 11:11 PM

And the countdown starts now

Yes, so im graduating this year and I have mixed emotions of excitment, fear and nervousness
Im not sure why, but sometimes i feel like the future scares me.  
that i do not know whats next; what major am i gonna chose, what universitity am i gonna study, will i be able to fullfill my dream and study abroad?
Im trying to be hopefull and optimistic about this, yet im still not sure if i will
im not putting hopes up, nor am i giving up.

soon enough though, my questions will be answered and i will indeed know how am i gonna start my career

Meanwhile, while im countiing days, waiting for the day i celebrate my graduation, in the same time im very busy with school work
Not only do i have my mid terms around the corner, but i have got my national exams soon: Next week.
We have got projects, reports, homeworks, tests, and just books and books and books to study for

Normally students complain about all this work, and i used to as well..
We are pressured to do so much, in so little time as this semester is so much shorter than the first one.

But im very appreciative of the work i have to do, as it has been giving me a reason to look for the tomorrow

I am also trying to prepare myself for collage.. Collage will be twice as stressful as school and twice as hard as well, if not more
I heard that school work doesnt matter as collage, because collage is what qualifies you to your career, which is why im trying to enjoy doing all this work

We also should read 5 chapters of a novel for arabic class, hopefully ill finish 3 today..



Have a nice weekend everyone xo

Noor
Friday
16th March, 2012
1:50 PM

Anonymous asked: are u in love ?

sure, with anyone who can make me smile <3

haunted

i dont know what is this thats inside of me..

I wouldnt call myself an unhappy person, but in the same time, if someone asked me are you happy? I would really not know the answer..

Not that im depressed or anything, but i guess i wish i had things more figured out.. I wish things were more stable in my life.. Nothing seems to be stable somehow, and i dont know why..

I wish i believed in myself more, but i keep dissapointng myself..

Im gonna turn 18 soon, and three years ago, when i thought about the 18 years old version of me, i thought i will have things figured out, i will know what kind of uni i wanted to go, what kind of major i wanted for myself.. I would have achieved a bit more by now.. But it doesnt seem like i achieved anything somehow..

Dont know why these thoughts are controlling my mind, but wheather i liked it or not, they are still inside of me, like a ghost haunting me

Noor MA

1st Febraury

حلم عابر..

مؤلمة هي احلامنا..

لا ترحم

تلاحقنا في منامنا وفي يقظتنا..

أحلام ماض جرى

ومستقبل مجهول

لا ادري ان كنت تدري

انني قد اصبح مجرد ذكرى

وتكون انت مجرد جرح قديم

غظاه غبار الايام

صباح الجمعة

13-1-2012

Anonymous asked: i think i love u :)

aw why do i have the feeling that i know you :) wheather i do or not, love you too, <3 

Sometimes letting go of things is not as easy as you’d think.. And by things, i mean things in generally, memories (good and bad), mistakes, anger, dreams.. I could go on and on..

But really, whats inside my mind right now, is just mistakes mistakes and mistakes! Mistakes that cause us so much pain from the people we love so dearly.. Mistakes we simply cant get out of my head, mistake that make us get so mad at them, we are not sure we can forgive anymore.. Its okay, im not saying anyone should be perfect, if anything, mistakes are make us who we are, thereforre they are only here for as a lesson.. But when mistakes are done from them over and over and over.. Its hard to let go now.. Hard to forgive and hard to forget.

You get filled up with so much pain and so much tireness inside of your heart that you simply cant forget anymore.. Its not even fair to try to keep forgetting their mistakes when they never really made it up to you..

“Forgive and forget”

Thats what they tell us..

They say you will be happier after that..

I do agree with the fact that letting go some anger towards those who have hurted you will release some weight from your heart.. However, its not raelly healthy to try to forget everything suddenly.. Or even forget as a matter of fact.

Sometimes, you need to go back in time, take a moment and remember everything thats causing you pain and keep remembering it, think to yourself,take your time in trying to let the pain go.. Time heals pain.. And when its time to let go, you will know it..

Because no matter what i believe everything happens for a reason. Things around us are what makes us who we are, and we always have a choice to either use them as a life lesson, or just ignoring them.

Personally, i dont find it easy to let go of things sometimes.. I mean it depends on what the thing is, and how much it has affected me.. But i know, i have taught myself that its important to let go of things no matter what they are..

And sometimes, i personally feel like i forgive easily.. Which i admit, is not the best thing i always do.. But we forgive the people we love because we want them in our lives right? And i love them too much not to forgive them.. I’d rather tell them their mistake, and risk gettng hurt again by them.. Than simply push them away.

And other times, it does take me so much time to forget and forgive when the pain is too deep.. But i guess thats normal, right? :)

Have a good day everyone

Noor MA

أحلى أنواع الحب هو الحب الدي يتعب القلب..

-نور